We know life is not perfect, and that there is often a large discrepancy between what we desire and what we can actually achieve. Nevertheless, a harsh reality has never stopped us from dreaming about having a perfect life moment. In fact, the harder our life, the more we dream. Sometimes that dream may be the only lifeline to propel us forward.
As a girl growing up during the Cultural Revolution in China, I dreamed of having my father come home to us, instead of being unfairly incarcerated in jail, subjecting us to public shame that soured most of my childhood. I wished that our dinner table would be full of tasty dishes so I would not go to bed with a half-empty stomach. I dreamed for that perfect tomorrow.
In my teenage years, I wanted to be able to go to school without being humiliated by the patches sewn on my elbows and knees. I wanted to attend my school outings instead of being excused because my mother couldn’t come up with the money.
After I landed in America with two suitcases, achieved my academic goals, and built my own little family, I yearned to shrink the distance between China and America so I could have my parents and sisters by my side, instead of being a continent and an ocean away. I felt loneliness and regret.
Still, life has had a paradoxical way of rewarding me by fulfilling some of my wishes, while at the same time punishing me by taking away what little I had. That made me ask myself: Can I ever achieve that perfect moment in life? What should I do when life fails me just as I’m about to achieve it?
The longer I have lived, the more I have realized that the perfection of life resides in its imperfection. It is the lack of a perfect moment that drives my desires and wishes, builds my courage, and pushes me to do the things I normally would not attempt. Ironically, I owe my life’s achievements and accomplishments to my failures and frustrations.
I have learned not to sit and wait for that perfect moment anymore, for it will never come, but to act and keep on dreaming.
Reflections From The East Column
By Qin Sun Stubis
You can always reach me at qstubis@gmail.com, or visit me at QinSunStubis.com.
You can find a copy of my book, Once Our Lives, online at Amazon.com
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